I meant to write this post in November to coincide with Thanksgiving, but time got away from me and I have to admit self-doubt seeped in about having anything original or fresh to say about these topics. It could have also been writing overload, with writing assignments due every week for my Humanities class. Yes, I am back in school after some 13 years or so and loving it so far. I want to manifest more time to for school so I can attend full-time and that goal is currently in the works. I am extremely appreciative and grateful for this blessing. I am studying creative writing and English and I now find myself having to stop and resist writing 10 pages on a 2 page assignment, where as before I went back to school, it was a struggle to get myself to sit down and write. It is glorious and I love it! What can I say, the timing was finally right or I was finally willing to open my heart to the joy of sharing my creative gifts.
This leads into my thought quandaries for this post. What is appreciation? Is it a feeling that you get when something good happens? Or is seeing the value in each experience one goes through? Of course, I grew up thinking that if something good happened that I had wanted or held valuable, I could be grateful for it and show appreciation. But if something negative or hurtful happened it was a logical reason to show disappointment. But these seemingly natural reactions left me feeling as if my life was controlled by some outside force, rather than my own thoughts and intentions. Growing up in the Catholic faith taught me many valuable things, such as forgiveness, kindness, morality, and selflessness. However, not until I started to explore the human psyche on my own did I begin to discover the inner workings of my mind and the power of my thoughts and intentions. Now I can not imagine not teaching my own children (another manifestation in the works for me) the tools to create the life they desire through the loving intentions of the mind and heart.
The more I learn about myself and how to continue to expand my consciousness through the study of my thought processes, the easier it is for me to get into that happy, lighthearted, and appreciative mindset. And it is more than a mindset, it is a heart-centered way of being. I can physically feel the vibrations coming from my heart when I am in this magical space. Lately I have been learning more about the Science of Mind teachings of Earnest Holmes. I found a lovely center, the Greater Philadelphia Center for Spiritual Living, that I now go to just about every Sunday. It was not my initial intention to attend the service every Sunday and I told myself I would only go if I felt like it. I did not want it to be an act of obligation, but a celebration of my joy for life. At first I attended once or twice a month, but then I started to go 3 times a month, now I willingly get out of bed almost every Sunday morning to meet with amazing like-minded people who never fail to inspire me and set me up for a great week ahead. The richness of spiritual knowledge I have gained from going there and hearing all of the different speakers is something I am definitely truly grateful for. I feel as if my ability to appreciate where I am in my life keeps expanding. I am a more gracious and happy person. I am kinder, especially to myself. I am using more of my intelligence because I have given myself that permission. But one of the most valuable things I am grateful for thus far in my spiritual evolution is letting it be. I let the people around me be who they are. I appreciate their life path and their growth. Things that make me uncomfortable I see more as a place where I wish to change and grow. They are reflecting back to me where I still see myself as lacking in my life.
That brings me to my next, somewhat contradictory subject. How do I, how do you deal with disappointment? I must say, I used to be quite dramatic. I laugh now when I think back to how much pain and suffering I caused myself because I thought that playing out the ultimate drama was the appropriate and suitable thing to do. I can see it now, those many times that my life rivaled the Greek tragedies of antiquity. I can laugh now because I am no longer in those spaces. I did not know any better and dealt with my limited arsenal of mental tools to handle the many disappointments I faced as a child and a young adult. Now, in my mid 30s, I can see it was a very good thing I did not marry young and have children, like I wanted. What would I have taught them? What would I have instilled in them to face the world? They would have been as lost as I was; floundering in darkness with intermittent streams of hope allotted to me by caring people trying to help. They would not have known from birth how powerful they are. Well, they would have known, but I would have possibly helped them to unlearn this and become a functioning part of this world, sacrificing unnecessarily for happiness. So, all these things I thought were disappointments, were really not. It was just my (unknowingly at the time) way of building up my creations in my “vortex”, to use an Abraham term. The less I struggle in my life, the better it becomes. I now choose to flow from any disappointment into a better solution that is awaiting me.
Most recently I thought I had secured an apartment with a friend. We had gone to see this newly renovated, adorable place, set back in a secluded area, right next to a trail that could take us miles in either direction. It was perfect, or so we thought. The landlord took back the offer he had given us after consulting with a “friend” on the terms of payment he had agreed upon. The new amount he was asking for, was over our budget, but immediately we realized it was a blessing in disguise. He was a new landlord and really did not know what he was doing as far as rental terms. It would have been a risky endeavor for us both to deal with this nice, but nervous person. I can say my disappointment only lasted a few days. There was only a limited amount of self despair, of telling myself there was something wrong with me because I could not afford what this person asked, and thinking I would never get my own place again. I had even told people at the Sunday spiritual service how easy it was to get my apartment and that is was meant to be. It wasn’t and I am more that okay with that.
So, in my eyes, these three things create a beautiful cycle of emotional development that is important to the human existence. Without some disappointment, how would we know how to truly appreciate when things do go wonderfully or be gracious for all of the uplifting people and circumstances in our lives. Nothing is really bad, it just a sign for redirection. A harmonious and abundant holiday season to all.
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough” ~ Oprah Winfrey~
“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” ~Voltaire~